The Next Step
I headed into this summer with a lot of uncertainty. One of my least favorite questions quickly became "so what are you going to do after you graduate?" My answer was always I'm not sure, to which people politely reminded me I graduate in December or they just looked at me puzzled. What I came into college for was quickly flipped upside down. I love my major, I'm so thankful to have had the opportunity to study it. I had every intention of working as an FSO or something similar.
BUT then Haiti happened.
I went for my first summer, right after freshman year. What I didn't know is that Haiti would captivate my heart. Last year, I struggled with whether I was boxing God in. Was I only allowing him to send me to Haiti? Was I even truly open to being sent wherever he called? No, I wasn't. I wrestled with it, but I ultimately felt like God was saying for right, it's Haiti.
This summer, I was nervous, I didn't really know what would happen. I spent a lot of time arguing with God about my plans versus his plans. My greatest fear was that I would leave this summer and God would say that chapter is over, I'm not calling you to Haiti anymore. I would have been heartbroken, devastated. But at the same time, I was so resistant to God's calling for me. I felt God saying I've called to be more, I've called you to serve these people for longer. I didn't want to accept that because I knew what that entailed. It meant living in a culture not my own, speaking a language not my own, tarantulas, showers on a good day, forgoing the comforts of America. It would mean not seeing my family for long periods of time. I argued with God that I wasn't strong enough, I wasn't able to do it.
This verse kept coming back all summer: 2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
He didn't need me to be able, he needed me to be willing.
All that to say, I've figured out where I'm headed, at least in this season of life. I will graduate from college in December.
In January, I will embark on a new journey. That journey will lead me back to Haiti where I will be spending a few months serving. While there, I will be continuing to seek God's will, to see if his plan has me there for even longer and for what.
I'm excited about what this means. I covet your prayers as I head into this season.
BUT then Haiti happened.
I went for my first summer, right after freshman year. What I didn't know is that Haiti would captivate my heart. Last year, I struggled with whether I was boxing God in. Was I only allowing him to send me to Haiti? Was I even truly open to being sent wherever he called? No, I wasn't. I wrestled with it, but I ultimately felt like God was saying for right, it's Haiti.
This summer, I was nervous, I didn't really know what would happen. I spent a lot of time arguing with God about my plans versus his plans. My greatest fear was that I would leave this summer and God would say that chapter is over, I'm not calling you to Haiti anymore. I would have been heartbroken, devastated. But at the same time, I was so resistant to God's calling for me. I felt God saying I've called to be more, I've called you to serve these people for longer. I didn't want to accept that because I knew what that entailed. It meant living in a culture not my own, speaking a language not my own, tarantulas, showers on a good day, forgoing the comforts of America. It would mean not seeing my family for long periods of time. I argued with God that I wasn't strong enough, I wasn't able to do it.
This verse kept coming back all summer: 2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
He didn't need me to be able, he needed me to be willing.
All that to say, I've figured out where I'm headed, at least in this season of life. I will graduate from college in December.
In January, I will embark on a new journey. That journey will lead me back to Haiti where I will be spending a few months serving. While there, I will be continuing to seek God's will, to see if his plan has me there for even longer and for what.
I'm excited about what this means. I covet your prayers as I head into this season.
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